My Hero - My Mom

So I’d like to take a moment to tell you a little bit about my mom. In my previous post I talked about my mom, Becky, who was my stepmother. Becky was an amazing woman and I’m so grateful for all she was to me. Today I would like to talk about my mom who brought me into this wonderful world.

MaryLouise Reynolds, my mom, was born on July 11, 1948 in Pocatello, Idaho. She is the eldest of 5 children. She grew up in the 1950’s and enjoyed all the crazes of the era including televisions, hot rod cars, the start of rock n’ roll, poodle skirts, James Dean and of course, Elvis Presley. When she became a teenager in the 60’s she attended Borah High School in Boise and graduated in 1966. Mom was a beautiful girl with a smile that would melt the toughest man.

Mom was excited at what life would bring her and had lots of big dreams for her future. Some of those dreams would become reality and some of them would never develop. Soon after high school there were many ups and downs for mom.

One of the downs for mom was when her dear brother Butch died from a diabetic seizure and she was there when he was found and nothing could be done to save him. This would trouble her for many years. Another trying time came when her parents separated and divorced. Though the family wasn’t always perfect it still hurt to see her family broken up.

Mom tried to stay strong, however and during some of these tough times she found love. She met Michael Hallenberger who was fresh off his mission in Guatemala. They were the cutest couple and were wed in 1967. They moved to San Diego and had their first child, a girl, Melinda on April 21, 1968. They were so happy and Melinda was the joy of mom’s life. After Melinda was born, the little family relocated to Boise where they bought their first home on Division St. Soon after, dad was deployed to Vietnam. Their first boy, Horace (me) was born on July 14, 1969 while dad was serving in Vietnam. It would be many months before dad would return home and mom did her best to raise her two young kids. She had some help from her sister, Sandy, as well as from her mom. Her mother and father-in-laws were also a big help.

Mom, Melinda and I

My Mom pregnant with me.

Dad finally returned from Vietnam and the family continued to grow. Another boy, Michael II, was born on April 16, 1971. After a while of dad working different jobs, he took a position with Red Steer in Walla Walla, WA. Red Steer was a popular hamburger joint and dad was moving up the chain into better management positions. They ran into some problems with the home in Boise and unfortunately lost it back to the bank.

Me and my Mom

Mom, Melinda and I

While in Walla Walla, mom had her fourth child, a girl named Michele, while at home on September 5, 1972. It is one of my earliest memories. I remember being sent to a neighbor’s house to get help because dad was at work.

Mom was very proud of her little family. Her kids were happy and healthy and she loved them very much.
Eventually dad was promoted at Red Steer and the family made another move back to Idaho. This time they landed in Pocatello. We moved to a cool little brick home near the Ross Park Zoo. Mom would take the kids over to the big park almost every day it seemed. Dad worked hard and his restaurant was doing very well. They decided to move a little closer to where he worked so we moved across town onto El Rancho Blvd. This was up on the hill and Dad had less than a mile to drive. We were there for over a year and then moved into a duplex on Holman Ave but were still on the hill.

Robert

On Sept 5, 1976, Michele’s 4th birthday,  they had their 5th child, a boy named Robert. In 1977, mom began to have some medical issues and they traveled to Salt Lake City to see a specialist to try to figure out what was the cause. My siblings were farmed out to friend’s homes while our parents were away. This was the week that Elvis Presley died.

When they returned home summer was almost over. Mom began to make preparations for school to start and dad continued to manage the Red Steer.

A few days after school started, mom’s biggest dreams were shattered. Dad had made the decision to leave and had told her he didn’t love her anymore. This was devastating for mom and all of us kids. Something snapped in mom and she had a nervous breakdown at the young age of 29 year old.

My Family August 1977

Dad took us kids with him to Boise and mom stayed in Pocatello until she was able to function properly again. She came to Boise about a week later and picked us up from dad and we rode the Amtrak back to Pocatello. We moved out of the duplex into some apartments at the base of the hill on Hiline Rd. The kids went back to school and mom was home with Robert.

Eric

Trudy

                                                                                           








A few months later mom met someone who was recently divorced as well. She began to date Vernon (Vee) Davenport and when her divorce was finalized in the spring of 1978, they were wed on May 6, 1978. They spent their honeymoon looking for a place to live. We ended up moving into a small trailer house in Homedale, Idaho. Vee had grown up in Homedale and his parents still lived there. Vee had four children of his own, Chris-16, Trudy-14, Kelli- 11 and Eric-7. Most of the time they lived with their mother but sometimes Kelli and Eric would live with us.

Kelli

Mom’s health never fully recovered. She began to suffer from rheumatoid arthritis and it was taking over her young body. She was pretty open about talking about it and though it weighed heavy on her and began to limit her ability to do certain things, she never stopped doing things. She was involved in her children as much as she could and she loved them unconditionally.

Benjamin

Vee worked for the Union Pacific Railroad and the family had a lot of fun participating in the events that his work put on. Right on schedule they had their 1st child, Benjamin, on May 4th, 1979, just two days before their first anniversary. This meant that there were 10 children living in the little trailer and we would need to move. They found a split level house in Caldwell and we were off.



Life was tough on the family as Vee’s employment didn’t pay too much and he was sending child support to his previous wife. It was a struggle with stepchildren and stepparents trying to get along. Many times this was unbearable.

Halloween 1981 - Me, Michael and Mom

At one point in 1981, two of mom’s children would run away from home to live with their dad. Melinda and I broke her heart when we left. She was torn between anger and sadness at that time.
Mom’s arthritis continued to worsen. Her joints in her wrists, elbows and knees had become nearly unusable at times. She was in and out of the doctor’s offices.

Later in 1981 they moved again back to Pocatello and rented a home on Meadowbrook Ln. Mom was active in her kid’s lives and she volunteered at Syringa Elementary as well. Vee continued to work at the Railroad but he was getting a little nervous if he would keep his job or not.

Good news came in March of 1982 when I moved back to live with them. Melinda had stayed with her dad and they would soon move to Alaska.

Mom did her best to help me be happy. She introduced me at school and at church. She helped me find babysitting jobs and a paper route. Things did seem to be a little happier than when I had run away. We moved again just down the road on the same street and then again onto Wayne Ave just a couple of streets over.

Matthew

In October of 1983 mom gave birth to her 7th child, Matthew. That made 11 kids between mom and Vee. When everyone was home it was nuts. Chris and Trudy were adults now and Kelli was getting close to graduating so they were not around too much. We all had fun with Matthew and Ben.

Over the years since mom was diagnosed with the arthritis, she would have different surgeries to try and help her keep some mobility. I can remember her having her wrists operated on because it had become so bad that they would not bend any more. Her fingers began to curl up and one of her elbows locked up. Her knees would get so bad that she couldn’t move. She stayed positive however and even would find the good in her ability to predict the weather. Whenever she felt the pain grow she knew that a storm was brewing. She was more accurate than any of the weathermen (or meteorologists as they are called today).
Mom did her best to make it to every event that her children participated in. I was especially fortunate because I was in the band. Mom would come to every concert I was in. She let me practice at home. She would brag about me to other moms.

Mom also worked with her hands doing things for others. Even though her fingers were frail and crooked, she would knit, crochet, stitch, needle point, make pottery, paint and whatever other craft she could find. She would do these for random friends or for birthday and Christmas gifts. Many she did for herself and her home displayed many of her creations.

Happiness was often found at home and other times it was far from it. This was very stressful for mom and I know she wished she could make it better, but she was so limited physically.

Family photo 1984

Later in 1983 or ’84, Vee would lose his job with the Railroad along with many others as part of a massive layoff. During the summer of 1984 Melinda had come to visit for the summer from Alaska. She was supposed to return before the school year but she had used up all her airfare money and was stuck in Pocatello. She would register for school at Highland High School along with me.

Melinda was not happy with having to stay and she was defiant in her attitude towards the mom and the family. This put additional stress on what was already a tough time for everyone. It eventually escalated to the point of a major fight at home and before you could blink Melinda and I were on the run again. This time we sought help from our Bishop who lived down the street. The next day we were on a plane to Alaska to live with dad again.

Mom and Vee continued to live in Pocatello with the other kids for a short time and then moved to Salem, Oregon in 1985. In 1986 they returned to Homedale.

They would move many more times as Vee struggled to find steady work. The kids grew and graduated from High School and slowly began to trickle out of the home as adults. When Matthew was 18 they were living in Hagerman, Idaho where they still reside today. Mom has had more surgeries than I can count. 37 of her 66 years she has been afflicted with that horrible disease. 25 of the 37 years she was having and raising her children. It hasn’t been a fun ride.

Yet if you have a chance to sit down with my mother you won’t hear much about the bad. She will tell you all about her family. She’ll tell you every event that her kids participated in. She’ll tell you about all the things her kids are doing now, where they live, where they work and, of course, all about her grand-kids. Over 30 grand-kids now and still counting.

She is a mother of fierce loyalty. She will fight for her children at all costs. As she has watched some of her children struggle in their own marriages, she will only see things from her child’s eyes and supports them no matter what.

I am my mom’s eldest son. I have tried to live a life of goodness to others. I have tried to make my focus on my family so that I do not have to go through what my parents did. I sometimes wonder if my mom ever recovered from my dad leaving. The emotional scars must be deep and long for her. She possibly still feels the pain sometimes.

Mom and I at my HS Graduation

I love my dad and there is so much that I have learned from him. Unfortunately none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes. Some mistakes can haunt us our whole lives. But hopefully we learn from those mistakes. Even if the mistakes were not ours. My dad’s mistakes have had great influence on my life. I could have followed him and made the same mistakes but I chose to learn from them and avoid the heartache. One of the things that I learned was to always find the good in my marriage. I cannot imagine inflicting pain like the pain that my mom felt. I’m sure it was much worse that the physical anguish that she lives with every day.
I am so thankful to have the mother that I do. We don’t see eye to eye on everything but I know she is always there for me. ALWAYS. I have never doubted her love for me. She has been a shining example of overcoming obstacles. She is a champion in life. She is beautiful inside and out. She is strong. She is courageous. She has never quit even when the others justifiably would have. Arthritis has taken many things from my mom, but it has never taken her spirit of love and compassion.

So today I say, Happy Birthday Mom! I love you completely. You are my hero.

Mom and Vee