A little Martian learning about those pretty aliens from Venus.

So a couple of nights ago I had the opportunity to spend an evening with a number of young men and women from our church. The purpose for our getting together was to have a discussion about dating. We had a nice couple, Bob and Judy Holbrook, who had just moved into the neighborhood with their two teenage boys speak to the youth and share their experiences. They discussed a lot of what is good and bad about dating and what the difference is between dating and just hanging out.

It was fun to listen to the ideas that were presented and the questions that were asked. It caused me to reflect on my own history of dating and I was able to share some of it with the youth that night. I think it is important to discuss dating with our children so I thought I would share some of my thoughts on dating as well as some experiences that I had with dating, or the lack thereof, and my list of "firsts" with girls.

I remember the first time I held hands with a girl. I was in the 9th grade at Alameda Jr. High. The girl's name was Jennifer. (I will keep the last name's to myself on this one) Jennifer was in the band with me and we lived not to far away from each other so we saw each other often. I liked Jennifer but I liked a lot of other girls as well. I was quite small in stature so most girls did not notice me as an attractive guy.  I really never thought about many of the girls to seriously for a lot of reasons. For one, I knew they weren't interested. Two, I was taught that I shouldn't date until I was 16. And three, I was pretty busy with my selling, gambling (see previous posts), and my paper routes. 

So when I first held hands with Jennifer, it was quite unexpected. I remember we were at one of the school's "Sock Hops", which is an after school dance that they held in the school gymnasium. I went to quite a few of the dances but never danced much. I spent most of the time with a friend or two on the sidelines just watching all the cool kids dancing with all the popular girls. I would sing along with Journey, Pat Benetar, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Survivor and the rest of the great 80's bands.  I was actually sitting alone on the bleachers and Jennifer came over and we started talking. She was acting kinda weird and then awkwardly asked if I would like to dance. I said sure and we walked out and began to dance to Twisted Sister's song "We're not gonna take it!" 

I know I looked like a real klutz but it was fun joining the crowd of popular kids. My dancing skills were somewhat like Willard learning to dance in the movie "Footloose". When the song finished it was immediately replaced with the popular slow hit "Love is a battlefield" by Pat Benetar. Before I could walk off of the floor Jennifer grabbed my hand and pulled me closer and we began to dance. Her hands were on my shoulders and my hands were on her waist and we took slow steps in a circle.

Dancing slow was actually pretty nice. I enjoyed the closeness. I wondered the whole time what she was thinking. I imagined it was something like "Wow, he's a lot shorter than I thought" or "why doesn't he feather his hair more?" More than likely she was thinking like I was which was "I can't believe I'm dancing with a girl!" 

At the end of the song I released her and started to say thanks when she reached out and grabbed my hand and led me back to the bleachers. I don't know why but I didn't fight it. We got to the bleachers and sat down still holding hands. She began rubbing the back of my hand with her thumb. I was completely taken off guard and didn't know what to do or what to say so I just sat there and let her hold my hand. For the rest of the dance she held my hand. 

At the completion of the Sock Hop she asked if I would walk her home. I said sure and we grabbed our books and went out the door and into the early evening air. We hadn't gone but a couple of steps when I again felt her hand grab onto mine. This time I felt her fingers working their way between mine. We walked about a mile to her street and then to her house. I left her at the porch and said good bye. She said "Thanks for walking me home, I'll see you tomorrow." She looked at me strangely with her eyes partially closed and a slight grin. 

"OK" I replied and turned and walked away. "Holy cow, I think she likes me!" I thought to myself as I quickened my step and then ran home.

So that was the first time I held hands with a girl. Had a great impact on me. My self confidence received a gigantic boost. Even though our "relationship" only lasted a couple of days, I now knew what it was like to have a girl like me.

The next year I was brought back to earth. I finally worked up the nerve to ask a cute girl that lived down the street to the homecoming dance at Highland H.S. Her name was Camille and I'd had a little crush on her for about a year. She was smaller like me so that was good. She was good friends with my older sister but she was my age. It took a while to get the nerve and I was scared to death when I picked up the phone to call her. When I finally did, I fumbled through the question. My heart was beating out of my chest and my hands were clammy and my forehead was perspiring as I waited for her to reply. There was a little delay before she finally said, "Thanks for asking, Horace, but I am waiting for someone else to ask me." 

Talk about a blow to the ego. Felt like I'd been punched right in the...in the....in the gut. (I'll try to keep it PG). I don't think I even responded to her. I just hung up the phone, went to my room and threw myself on my bed. I couldn't believe what had happened. Thought I hate to admit it, I cried myself to sleep.

The next day I avoided her like the plague. I couldn't even look at her. I wasn't even mad at her though. I was just too embarrassed to look at her. Later that day I ran into a good friend Malinda. We talked about it and she felt bad for me. I asked her who had asked her and she said she probably wasn't going. Out of nowhere I said, "Do you want to go with me?" 

Before I realized what I had done she said, "Sure, that would be fun!" And just like that I had planned my first date!

A few months later I had fallen for one of the trumpet players in the band. Her name was Lori and she was a lot of fun. Super cute and great personality. She always included me in whatever was going on. One time she invited me to go hot-tubbing. She said there were a bunch of people going. I said I would love that and we made the arrangements. 

I remember telling my mom that I was going out for the evening and she asked what I was doing. I said that I was meeting some friends at the Holiday Inn to go hot-tubbing and then over to a girl's house to watch a movie. She laughed at me. I think she believed the movie part but the hot tubbing didn't sound like something I would do. I guess she wasn't seeing that her little man was growing up!

When I got to the hotel I went back to the pool area and found Lori and some of her friends already in the hot tub. The guys in the tub were all ripped with muscles and I again felt that twinge of insecurity knowing that I was not built that way. Lori seemed happy to see me however and when she asked me to jump in I quickly removed my shirt exposing my skinny undefined body underneath. Before anyone could get a good look I quickly entered the hot tub and sunk down below the surface of the water. This is when I realized that they called it a "hot" tub for a reason and it was all I could do not to scream. Oh am I glad I didn't scream. My voice had still not changed and I could hit the high notes with the best of them. That would have been the end of me!!

Gritting my teeth I adjusted to the water temperature. Then I noticed that Lori was holding hands with one of the guys in the tub. Keeping it PG, I felt like I was punched in the gut again. I tried my best not to show my sadness. I just sat and quietly listened to them all talk. After what seemed like forever, Lori said that we should all get going so that we could have time to watch the movie. So we all got out, dried off and went out to the cars. I got in next to one of the guys and we all drove over to Lori's house.

When we got to Lori's house she pulled me aside right before we went in. She said, "Horace, are you ok?" 

"I'm OK" I said. "Just a little headache". Though the truth was it was heartache that was bothering me.

She said, "Well I wanted to introduce you to my little sister. I think you will really like her and I know she already has a crush on you."

"OK" I said, but to myself I was thinking "Great, her sister likes me but I like her. How's that going to play out?"

We went inside and their were people sprawled out on the floor, the sofa's and other chairs. I found an open spot on the sofa and sat down. Lori walked out of the room down the hallway and then returned with a pretty brunette girl. "Everyone, this is my sister, Andrea." she said "She is a freshman at Franklin Jr. High." 

We all said hi to her as Lori went around the room and introduced everyone to her. "Andrea, you can sit here next to Horace." Lori said to her and those of us on the sofa adjusted to make room. Andrea looked at me and I saw that same look that I had seen on Jennifer a year or so before. She sat down and any gap that was available was on the other side of her as she seemed content to sit right next to me. I could feel my stomach turn to nerves as I thought about sitting this close to such a pretty girl.

Lori opened up the case to the rental video her mom had rented for us and put it in the cool VCR with big colored buttons on it. The movie was Footloose starring Kevin Bacon. I had heard it was a good movie so I was excited to see it. Lori got everyone some drinks and made some popcorn and passed it around. It was an enjoyable time but I couldn't feel comfortable as I felt I was in a sauna or something. It felt so hot. Mostly because of the cute girl to my left who was giggling at anything I did or said.

I was keenly aware that Andrea was intentionally putting her leg against mine. Ten minutes into the movie I felt something moving on my thigh. I glanced down and saw that she was nonchalantly rubbing her pinkie finger against my leg. Slowly I turned my head and it was then that I realized that she was not watching the movie but rather was staring at my face. Talk about turning up the heat. I could feel the temperature rise into my face. I was glad that the lights were off for the movie because she surely would have seen my face turn into a bright red tomato!

She smiled at me and then without saying a word she moved her hand over to mine and entwined her fingers with mine. Finally I was able to crack a smile and turned back to somewhat focus on the movie. I felt her lean her head on my shoulder. I looked around the room and it appeared that nobody was paying attention to us. I searched the room and finally found Lori laying on the floor over to the side of the couch. She was laying next to the guy she'd been holding hands with. She was looking at me with a big smile on her face. I felt a twinge of guilt for acting the way I had earlier when I realized she had a boyfriend. She had set me up with her very pretty sister.

About a half hour later Andrea got up and went to her bedroom or the bathroom or somewhere down the hall. She came back and like we had been together forever sat down next to me and moved my arm so that it would be around her. Then she placed her hand on my muscular chest and lightly moved her fingers around. I have to admit, this was pretty nice.

The movie continued to play though I wasn't really paying too much attention even though I was looking at the TV. My mind was definitely elsewhere. I felt my temperature rising again when I realized that Andrea was slowly moving her head closer to mine until I could actually feel her breath on my neck. That made me a little disoriented. I guess it was a natural high or something. A combination of excitement and nerves all at the same time and in huge doses.

Then the unexpected happened. I barely turned my head down towards hers to look at her and she was like a mountain lion pouncing on her prey. Her lips were on mine and I'm pretty sure I lost consciousness. OK, not really but I was completely unaware of where I was or what I was doing. I don't even know how long it lasted. When she broke away from me I stared at her with my mouth wide open and she just smiled showing her pretty teeth. I think I tried to smile back but I don't know what that looked like. Then she nuzzled herself back into my neck and left me gazing at the TV. I remember seeing scenes of the movie but not hearing any of the words spoken. I didn't understand anything that was going on in the movie or in real life.

Right before the movie ended she took her hand off my chest and reached up and grabbed the back of my head and pulled me into her again. This time I was felt her lips as they lightly brushed against mine. Without thinking, I sorta kissed her back. It was amazing.

The movie ended and someone turned on the lights. That's when the razzing began. Everyone looked at Andrea and I and knew exactly what had happened. What I didn't know, was that Andrea had put on some nice red lipstick when she had got up during the movie. And apparently I was now wearing it too. There I was again with the heat rising to my head.

Now you would think that this has a great ending to the night. But, and remember I never claimed to be very smart, I would do something that will blow your mind. You see, I made the mistake of telling Andrea that the reason I had come that night was because I had a long time crush on her sister, Lori. And that I had been disappointed when I found out that she liked somebody else. I honestly didn't think much of what I was saying but it didn't go over very well. Andrea had a look of anger and then she turned and walked away from me. She never spoke to me again. She didn't even let me finish telling her that I was glad that Lori had someone else because I really liked her too.

So a note to self, never tell a girl that she wasn't first on your list. Even when she wasn't even on the list in the first place!

After Andrea I didn't have to many other opportunities with the ladies. There were a couple of school dances but they were with friends of mine. They were a lot of fun but no romance.

It wasn't until after my mission that I began to date. I dated a couple of times a week. Mostly dinner and movies. Sometimes bowling or hiking. I had a lot of fun. I liked some of them a lot. At least until they would bring up marriage on the first date and I was out of there. I didn't understand why we couldn't get to know each other a little before we were planning our families.

One girl that I really liked worked at the Safeway store in the Strawberry Village in Mill Valley, CA where I worked at a print shop. I would make up reasons to go into the Safeway just to see her. She was one of the checkers and I would conveniently buy my stuff in her lane. My work associates knew how much I liked her and even got me her name which was Kim. She was a short gal. Cute as a button. The guys finally talked me into introducing myself to her. I just had to figure out how.

I wandered around the store looking at her from a few different places. I probably looked a little suspicious if anyone was watching me. I decided to by a nice red rose and a little card. I wrote a little message on the card basically asking her out on a date. I walked up to her lane and laid the flower and card on the checkstand. She rang up the charges and I paid her in cash. Then I left the flowers and started walking away. "Sir, you forgot your flowers." she called to me. I stopped and turned towards her.

"Those are for you." I replied and turned back around and left the store. I walked quickly back to work and told the guys what I had done. They all thought it was a great idea and they wanted to know what she said. "I don't know." I said. "I walked away before she said anything."

About 15 minutes later Kim walked into the print shop. She was holding the flower and had a big smile on her face. "What is your name?" she asked me.

"Horace" I replied.

"Well, Horace" she said, "That was very sweet of you. Thank you for the flower. I really needed that today".

"You're welcome" I answered.

"I'm free tomorrow night. If that works for you." She said and smiled even bigger.

All I could say was "OK" and I smiled back.

"Pick me up at 6pm after work tomorrow." She said.

"I'll be there!" I said. Kim walked out the door and I basked in the cheers of my workmates.

We went to a wonderful dinner the next night and I loved watching her as she talked to me. She had the cutest little smile. After dinner we went to Sausalito and looked at the boats in the marina. The sunset was beautiful and it was very romantic. We talked about a lot of things. Religion came up and we talked about my missionary service. I could tell that she was impressed by that but she grabbed my hand and asked me then "what do you see in me?"

"I see a beautiful girl who has an amazing personality and I like being around her." I responded.

"You don't really know me" she stated. "I am not good enough for you, Horace. You deserve someone who is as good as you."

"I think you are great" I said.

"You don't know me" She restated. "I have so much baggage and I would never unload that on somebody as sweet as you. I really appreciate your good intentions and for being so kind to me. You are an angel. But I need you to take me back to my car. I am not the one for you."

I didn't say much. I just honored her wish and took her back to my car. She thanked me again and then kissed me on my cheek. She got into her car and drove away.

I was beginning to think that understanding girls was impossible. I went home and laid in my bed and again cried myself to sleep.


 I would go on to have a few other dates. Mostly just one timers. Not one night stands just no long term relationships.

                                                                                                                                                   
Things would get better for me though. I would move back to Boise and receive a phone call that would change my life forever. (See previous post about how I met my sweet wife.) All that inexperience and I still found the love of my life. She is the only one I have actually dated more than a couple of times. Now I've been dating my wife for over 22 years. I love our dates more than any time I had dating or hanging out with the girls of my boyhood. I still feel the excitement when she holds my had or kisses me softly. I still look forward to spending exclusive time with her. We love the same things and life never gets old.

The other day I was driving and I thought to myself, "I wonder how my beautiful wife is doing today." As a 6th grade middle school teacher I'm sure it was awesome but I thought about how much I love her. I couldn't help stopping by the flower shop and picking up a nice arrangement of flowers in a vase. I delivered them to her classroom during her lunch time and received a huge welcome from her. She got up and said, "Horace, you have no idea how much I needed this today. I have had a day to forget."  She hugged me tight and gave me a nice sweet kiss. Oh it is good to be in love!!! 

Today I find joy in the fact that I never had serious girlfriends. I'm glad that I experienced what I did but I feel that things worked out the way they were meant. I like knowing that my entire love life has revolved around one sweet girl who I have the pleasure of going home to each and every day.