Christmas I Won't Ever Forget

The year was 1981. My older sister, Melinda, and I had run away from our Caldwell, Idaho home to go live with my Dad in Boise. It was a very interesting time for me and I was struggling with a lot of things in my life. For one, I was really missing my Mom and my younger siblings. I especially missed Michael. We were quite close even though we were two years apart. He must have forgiven me for flinging him down the stairs when we were younger.

As much as I missed them, however, I was a total Daddy's boy. My Dad was my hero. I loved everything that my Dad loved. Sports, camping, fishing, hunting, and singing. Even though I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket back then.  Living with Dad was difficult though as I had to share him with his new wife, Becky. She was sweet but I could sense that she wasn't that comfortable having Melinda and I there. I was going through all the changes in becoming a teenager and I'm sure that wasn't easy for Becky to deal with.

I did have some fun when I was able to spend some time with my cousins Jimmy, Randy and Laura. They were my Uncle Jim's kids. Randy was my age and Jimmy was only a year older. I had only met Laura before so it was great getting to know them all. We had a lot of fun together. They had a lot of electronic games that were really fun. They were so willing to share with me too. I was looking forward to spending a lot more time with them.

I'd spend time alone a lot of the time. Playing basketball in the driveway or exploring the neighborhood. I tried to earn a little money raking leaves for some of the neighbors. At home I would listen to my little AM radio and sing along to Ronnie Milsap or Foreigner. When Dad was home I would try to talk him into going fishing. We liked to go down to the River below the Broadway bridge near the Boise State University stadium.

One time while we were fishing I looked out into the river about half way almost directly under the bridge. I saw something shiny. I pointed it out to Dad and he said it looked like handle bars. After we caught a few fish, Dad waded out to it and sure enough it was a nice 10-speed bicycle. Still in pretty decent shape. It would only require a little brake job as well as some oil on the chain.  Dad said he would put it together for me when he had time.

My Mom was still fighting for custody which I don't blame her at all. She loved us and felt that we should be with her. I wanted to stay with Dad even though things were kind of rough around his house. At least as far as I was concerned. Dad had been making some initial plans to move to Alaska with some friends of his. That made me want to stay with Dad that much more.

Dad hired an attorney to see what it would take for him to keep us with him. I remember going and sitting in this big office with a giant oak desk. The attorney's name was Kirk Anderson and he was really nice. (I'm glad he was nice because he would one day become my Uncle In-Law).  Mr. Anderson told my Dad that he could go ahead and fight for custody but it would cost a lot of money. This was not something my Dad had much of.

Dad talked to me about the situation and I know that it was difficult for him. I knew he didn't have much money so I told him I would be willing to go back to Mom. We agreed to wait until after Christmas though, which was only a few weeks away.

Melinda would be staying with Dad as she was 13 and was old enough to make the decision herself. I was pretty depressed. I cried a lot at nights while laying in my bed. I would pray that Dad would stay in Boise so that we would be able to visit sometimes. Mom had recently moved back to Pocatello so we wouldn't be able to be together as much but at least we would all be in Idaho.

As Christmas grew near I was struggling finding the "Joy" that was everywhere around me. My little brother John who was just a year old was the only one that could make me smile. He was the one person who could just look at me and make me grin. I was really going to miss that kid. Becky was trying really hard. I don't think that I did much to let her know that I recognized her efforts though.

Christmas Eve we went and saw my Grandparents. My Grandpa Hallenberger was my favorite person in the world. I'm named after him and I always felt a special bond with him. I loved going to their place. Especially around the holidays. We took Grandma and Grandpa over to Uncle Al and Aunt Edna's for a little get together. Edna was my Grandma's sister. I always loved Al and Edna. Edna made me laugh to myself because she didn't have any teeth and would smack her lips a lot. Al always treated me like I was his little buddy. We had a really nice evening and I was able to take my mind off of my moving dilemma.

We got home pretty late that night and I remember thinking how grateful I was that that would be probably be my last memory of living with Dad. Well it wasn't the last memory, but it was the best one.

Christmas morning we awoke and went as a family into the living room. There we found a few presents around the Christmas tree. Leaning up against one of the walls was the white 10-speed bicycle that dad had fished out of the river. It had some new used brakes and the chain was fixed. There was a little tag hanging from the handle bars. I looked at it and it said "To: Horace, From: Santa".  My Dad thought it was pretty funny. My teenage attitude wasn't as amused. I couldn't believe that I had received a bike for Christmas. A bike that was already mine.

I felt the depression deepen. I don't know why I had expected anything more from my Dad. I knew he didn't have the means to do much for me. I guess I was just hoping that he would make up for me having to leave.

The day for me to leave came quickly. I cried most of the trip to Pocatello. The only good thing was the excitement that my siblings were showing when I arrived. They were so happy to see me. They were anxious to show me all of their Christmas gifts. Their favorite was the Atari 2600  video game console with the brand new Pac-Man game. I have to admit, that was pretty cool. Even though they would kill me when I would play them. It's amazing how a few days head start can give such an advantage.

Michael was most excited. He couldn't wait to show me his new hand-held Coleco Electronic Quarterback game. That was pretty awesome. I was definitely jealous. Much cooler than my river bike.

That first week home was bittersweet for sure. I had a lot of fun during the week before school started back up. We played hard and I was happy to be with my siblings again. But it wouldn't last. Right after school started my Dad called. He was going ahead with his plans to move to Alaska. They were leaving right away.

It would be 3 years before I would see my Dad, Becky and John again. 3 long years. I missed my Dad so much.

I look back now and I see how sad this Christmas was for me. I always thought it was the worst Christmas of my life. It's taken me years to realize the good that was within that year. I was able to be with my Dad for a little while. I was able to meet great cousins. I spent quality time with my wonderful Grandparents and Aunts and Uncles. I was even able to have a greater appreciation for the things that were important. I didn't need the bicycle and yet my Dad still waded into the river to get it for me. He fixed it up so that I would have something under the tree for Christmas. What would that Christmas have been like if the bike were not there?

I was also able to realize the great love that the rest of my family had for me. My Mom was so excited to have me reunited with everyone. My siblings were so full of love and joy. That is the part I miss most.

Sometimes I get a little grumpy around Christmas time with my family. My kids have so much that I was never able to enjoy at their age. I worry that the presents they are given are too much and that they will not appreciate Christmas the way we did. Yet at the same time, I don't want them to ever have a Christmas without. As a parent I do not want them to feel the hurt of wanting. Luckily I have been blessed with Children who love Christmas for lots of reasons. They love all the gifts they receive. They also love to give to others. They love to make others happy. That makes me happy. And that is all I want for Christmas.